Question: My spouse and I have stressed the importance of being a leader to our son, but it seems to have backfired. The teacher says the other kids find him to be too bossy. However, he does fine in sports and Cub Scouts. How can I help him see that the classroom needs to be like a team, yet still let him display his leadership strengths? - Puzzled
Answer: Your son is not displaying leadership strengths when other children consider him to be bossy. In fact, he might be crossing the thin line between being an assertive leader and being a bully. Reconsider your push to have him be a leader in every situation. Very few elementary-school children are able to do this. Most are learning how to function as both leaders and followers.
Young children who are effective leaders have a sense of justice and fair play, they are able to interact easily with other children, and they are sought out by other children for play. They don't insist on always getting their own way, and they know how to include others within a group. The best way to help your child develop these qualities is by teaching him how to make and keep friends. Give your son many opportunities to play with other children so he will learn how to function as both a leader and a follower.